"Shit (his) Dad Says" - hilarious and true

here's the story: the son's name is Justin. "I'm 29. I live with my 74-year-old dad. He is awesome. I just write down shit that he says." Some highlights:

""Don't mess with him...Trust me, you don't fuck with a man that sleeps next to a woman he never screws. They're unpredictable."

"Fine, let’s take a vote. Who wants fish for dinner?...Yeah, democracy ain’t so fun when it fucks you, huh?”

"No, I'm not a pessimist. At some point the world shits on everybody. Pretending it ain't shit makes you an idiot, not an optimist."

“Yes I got him a gift. He had a kidney stone. You piss a rock through your pecker, you deserve more than just a pat on the fucking back."

“We’re banned from the dog park. Well, I guess it’s okay to hump, and it’s okay to bark, but both at the same time freaks people out."

Follow him on Twitter - http://twitter.com/shitmydadsays